witifulramblings

Posts Tagged ‘vulnerability’

Day 69: Daring Greatly

In Esteem, Family, Happiness, Love, Women on September 14, 2012 at 3:46 am

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

I don’t watch much TV, in fact I hadn’t watched TV really in the past five years.  However, I decided to get cable recently.  I still find myself rarely watching because it’s so out of habit, and I have ADD (I like to clean my floors way too often).

Anyway, awhile back I wrote this post on the topic of wholeheartedness.  I had randomly found myself listening to Brene Brown’s TED Talk, coincidentally when I popped on the TV today, which I rarely do, the Katie Couric show was featuring Brene in person.

She of course talked a lot about the topic of vulnerability and its necessity in our lives.  I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately, I’ve felt fearful as I enter into a new life and anticipate being a recent grad school graduate.  So, I guess someone knew I needed to hear these important words about vulnerability once again.

You see, there is nothing more dangerous and scary than standing on the out skirt of our own life.  What should matter to you is not whether you succeed or fail, but that you were brave, and the people that matter in this whole experience are those who love you not in spite of your vulnerabilities but because of them.

Brene talked a lot about a concept she refers to as foreboding joy.

Interestingly, I know this concept  all too well. She explains it like this:

That moment when you enter your child’s room, while their sleeping, and you look over their precious little body and think how much you love them.  Then in that moment of joy you shudder–what if they were taken from me by death?

It’s that moment when you realize I have a great job, a wonderful family–I have joy.  Then always comes the shudder as you realize that joy could be marred by tragedy.  Those who experience true wholeheartedness in this life take that moment and transform it.  Instead of allowing the joy to be stifled by fear they allow it instead to be a moment wherein they mindfully practice gratitude.  They embrace the reality of something possibly going wrong through quite simply, thankfulness.  In this, their joy can always live.

What’s worth doing even if you fail?

I thought about this.

…and I realized for me it’s all the scariest things.

going to school.

being a single mom.

loving someone.

because those are the things that are worth every risk.  they are not worth looking at from the out skirt of my life.

Today, I realized for the first time ever that it’s OK to be scared and if I fail at something then that’s OK too.  What matters is that I was brave.

HOLSTEE AUGUST: Remember to Love Because It’s What Makes You Real

In Books, Esteem, Friendship, Happiness, Holstee Manifesto, Humanity, Laughter, life, Love, Teaching, Thoughts, Writing on August 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Love is such an interesting emotion, it’s one of the things that makes me feel vulnerable, but being loved is truly what makes us real–just like the Skin Horse says. It doesn’t happen to people who break easily because love takes toughness, endurance, and perseverance. Love is not like the romance film, it’s much more real than that, and I oftentimes wonder if the people in this world, the ones who truly know how to love, are only those who have endured an entire lifetime giving it to someone. I think it just might take those loose joints, lost hair, and shabbiness to truly understand what it means to love. Perhaps that’s why we’re given an entire lifetime to pursue it, perfect it, and understand it.

In looking through the Holstee Manifesto and it’s proclamations, which we have now made it through in entirety, the only words that appear more than once throughout are: life and love. This provokes something in me, it reminds me of the importance of living a life of sought love. That’s what the manifesto begs. It’s not easy, it will hurt at times, but it’s like this quote states:

20120803-134649.jpg

Day 59: on being wholehearted

In Blogging, Esteem, Faith, Happiness, Humanity, Laughter, Love, Men, TED Talks, Women on July 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Today I am on a flight, again.

I had the privilege of visiting NY, Connecticut, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, all in less than 5 days–whirlwind trip. Very fun, though.

What I am thinking about mostly right now, though, is a TED talk that I listened to on my flight into JFK. I was having a long day, sleep deprived, and I just happened to snap on one of the 5 free Delta radio channels (for the record Delta is a joke). There came words I needed to hear and I find it no coincidence that I started to listen to that very station when I did. For those of you that know TED talks, the briefers are limited to a less than ten minute time period to present their research in the most imaginable and insightful way, so the fact that I caught this particular one is quite lucky.

This talk wasn’t focused on the customary scientific findings surrounding most, no, it was centered more on an emotional type of research that could be classified in the psychological jurisdiction; however, I still felt it to fit its own category of sorts having listened to several TEDs and never encountered one quite like this previously.

The speaker, Brenda Brown, was presenting her research on the topic of wholeheartedness. That is, what constitutes a whole hearted individual. She goes on to explain that she had spent several years interviewing several individuals categorized as wholehearted and then those who live, well, unwholehearted. The first problem, if you could call it that, that she encountered in her research was the notion that those who portray a wholehearted esteem recognize that to be wholehearted one must first accept that this requires making everything that you desire to be certain, uncertain. This was problematic for Brenda because, well, she’s a researcher and to be a researcher is to seek the definitive. She segues to note this first encounter required her to take a 2 year research break and attend weekly counseling, lol. However, once she overcame this realization she was able to even further delve into the information that would enlighten her as to what the belief system requires amongst the wholehearted. She goes on to note:

The way to live is not to control and predict, rather, it’s through vulnerability, the wholehearted live with vulnerability because this is the birthplace of love and happiness. The wholehearted let themselves be seen and they love life with their whole hearts even though there is no guarantee. The wholehearted recognize that you cannot selectively numb emotions. You see, when you numb anger, fear, disappointment, you cannot do this without also numbing love, happiness, and laughter. The wholehearted stop catastrophizing and believe in good, they are grateful because of this. They ask themselves, what makes me vulnerable and then they face it head on. They realize that it is this vulnerability that allows them to be them and to live.

Most importantly though, above all else, Brown’s research found that the wholehearted always believe this:

They believe they are enough.

Brown posed the question on her blog, what makes you feel vulnerable? She felt getting to the heart of this might help individuals to reveal their wholehearted nature. She received thousands of responses.

Waiting for doctor results
Initiating sex with my partner
Saying I love you
Getting a mammogram
Going to the doctor
Looking for a job
Going on an airplane

So I pose this question here, what makes you feel vulnerable? How do you find your way through that vulnerability, or do you?

a thinking whit

20120730-165905.jpg

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

SOLD BY CATHY

I NEVER FORGET YOU HAVE A CHOICE

thejamsquare

Thetis Island Blog

Violet Gallery

sketching, creating and living life!

Southern Sweetys Photography

Capturing Life's Sweetest Momemts

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

ExploreDreamDiscover Talks

Travel, culture, food, and perception

Margaret's Miscellany

(in which I catalog my travels and a random assortment of likes and dislikes)

Dropping LSD--(Law School Debt)

currently blogging: student loans, frugality, design tutorials, and random crap on the internet

divorced is not a marital status

Living life without the scarlet letter--D

Coffee Under the Umbrella

Would you like paint and power tools with your coffee?