witifulramblings

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Day 107: Malaysia Flight 370: Two Parents

In Children, Family, Father, Happiness, Kids, Love, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Travel on March 16, 2014 at 3:15 am

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{photo via google search}

Amidst all the news reports surrounding the tragic mystery of Malaysia flight 370, there is one story I find to be most tragic. I guess it strikes a chord with me because it echoes one of my deepest fears–leaving my child to get on a plane and never seeing him again. When Muktesh Mukherjee and his wife Xiaomo Bai got on flight 370, they were intending to vacation and left their two young boys with their grandma. Now those two beautiful boys have to wonder if they will ever see their parents again. I cannot imagine what they must be feeling, I cannot imagine what Muktesh and his wife must have felt the moment they new something was ‘wrong.’

On my last vacation to the UK, I had a panic attack the entire trip (airplane ride and vacation). My partner thought I was legitimately insane for shaking violently when turbulence bounced us around on our way to Italy. But what was really happening, I was thinking of my beautiful little e, I was thinking how much he needs me, and I was praying nothing would happen to me because we need each other.

My heart aches tonight for those two little boys. My heart aches for those parents because I had a glimpse of what they must have felt–times a million. As we pray for their safe return to their little ones, let us all remember how lucky we are to have our love ones present with us in our lives. Sometimes we can forget how special they are when they’re right in front of us.

little e you played a great baseball game today and I love you for it.

to my other love, I love you to the moon around the stars and back again…

to my Ini, thank you for lying against my back while I sleep, you make the best fluffy cuddler…

love, love, love…

and to the Mukherjee family, you’re in our thoughts. I hope they soon find answers because two parents need their two boys.

a whit.

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Day 102: Tap, Tap, Tap {a film: Bridegroom}

In Couples, Gay Marriage, life, Love, Marriage on November 2, 2013 at 6:47 am

It’s not often that something inspires me so much so that I have to immediately find my computer and start to write.

After clicking through the multiple netflix documentary options, I finally settled on Bridegroom–a film about a gay man whose partner dies.

What unfolds throughout the film is a beautiful story of true love. Tom is in early twenties when he accidentally falls off of the roof of his friend’s apartment building while taking pictures. What follows is not the story of Tom’s death, but the story of his life, with Shane, his partner. There is a moment in the film where Shane talks about how scared he was to tell Tom publicly that he loved him, for fear of what others might have thought, so instead, if the couple were out, they would tap the table three times tap {I} tap {love} tap {you}. One of the unique features of the film is its recap of the actual messages Tom and Shane shared during their six-year relationship. They would banter about traveling the world together, which they did, and having a kid, and teaching it how to ride a bike, and eating family meals with the dog underneath the table patiently awaiting scraps. Real stuff.

After Tom’s death, the hospital nurses give Shane a beautiful gift–a gift of time. They allow Shane moments with Tom before his family arrives–even though he is not “family” according to hospital policy. Not knowing this would be his last time near Tom’s body, Shane only finds one thing appropriate for the moment–he reaches out and taps Tom’s leg three times.

It’s hard for me to imagine, having been in love, having had my own three-hand squeeze, to understand how anyone could see love differently just because someone is gay. As the film depicts, Tom loved everyone, even his parents, the ones who ultimately deny his true identity, he still loved them.

In this life there is nothing more precious than the opportunity to love someone–to serve them. Shane and Tom, and their story, are a testament to this. Tom’s true legacy is what he gave those in his life, including Shane, “an unconditional love.”

This film will move you beyond words, you must watch it.

Day 98: P.S. I Love You

In Books, Humanity, life, Love, Marriage, UK, Women on October 13, 2013 at 3:01 am

When I first saw the film P.S. I Love You, I knew it would always be a favorite of mine. It took me all the way across the world to Ireland, and it inspired my hike through the Wicklow National Forest–the very place where Holly met Jerry. Those that know me, know that I can, and do, watch this film over and over and over–

They often ask me, “why do you love it so much? It’s such a sad story.” While it does have its sad elements, I think there is something terribly empowering about the film. In it Holly has to learn how to make a life of her own because when Jerry dies Holly’s identity dies with him; he’s all she has ever known. She has to learn how to be by herself, one of the hardest lessons someone can endure in this life, and she has to learn how to build the very life that she questions at the start of the film, “I just see all of our friends buying houses and having babies–I wonder when our life is going to start?” Jerry laughs, “Our life has already begun, this is it, this is our life Holly.” After Jerry dies, Holly gets letters from him, the letters aren’t for Jerry, even though he claims they’re sent because “he just can’t let go yet.” They’re for Holly. They act as a mentor on her powerful, and oftentimes difficult journey.

I think we learn to love the things that we identify with. In an interview with the author of the book that inspired the film, the author describes this very feeling, “Writing this book was a very lonely process, but in a lot of ways it was very similar to what Holly experiences within the novel. It’s an isolating process, but you always come out on the other end better for it.”

I don’t watch the film for the “love story” aspect, I watch it because it reminds me how to be powerful and courageous. I watch it because it reminds me that this is my life and I shape the journey (part of the reason I went to Ireland two years ago). At the end of the film Holly’s mother tells her, “just remember that if we’re all alone then at least we’re all in that together too.” 142098210V

Day 90: Seven Principles to Making a marriage Work and The 30-Day Love Detox (Read Them!)

In Couples, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Romance, Women on July 13, 2013 at 1:34 am

 

Sometimes we fail to recognize the things we love more than anything until they are no longer present.

When I first got married, I loved under the impression that marriage was supposed to be perfect.  I thought couples never fought and guys always brought home flowers when they did something wrong.  Boy was I wrong.

I recently read a couple good books that clarified this very concerning mishap in understanding the workings of a healthy relationship. If you haven’t read The Seven Principles to Making a Marriage Work then you should.  As I learned, it doesn’t matter if you’re married, divorced, in a complicated state (as we like to call it thanks to facebook), or hopelessly single.  This book is fabulous at helping individuals understand their role within a union and the inevitable role they must play on their own.

The other great self reference book I’d recommend is The 30-Day Love Detox.  If you’re a feminist you’ll find this book especially charming as I did.  However, it also appeals to the more traditional woman; infact, it provides tools to help you determine who you are.  (Unfortunately for me, I am a traditionalist trapped in a career woman’s body which is causing my uterus problems as of late).  This book emphasizes the importance of a “plan” and while I don’t advocate life or love plans as the be-all end-all, I do think they provide some sense of direction when you’re trying to find your identity and re-steer your course.  I really loved this book because it was written by a single mom, and although her own personal professional to dating is shocking in the end, it gives a glimpse at the different aspects of single mothering and such (but that’s for another post). 

While I hate losing things, and I hate even more perusing the “self help” section, which Barnes and Nobles has so eloquently re-named the “Relationship” section, I found these two books insightful and realistic.  Love isn’t a game, or a test, as lots of other books hinge, it’s just being you and weathering the bumps together.

As I was perusing Pinterest I notice an old love letter written by a guy named John, it was a famous John but which one I cannot now recall, he writes:

We got old and got used to each other.  We think alike.  We read each others’ minds.  We know what the other one wants without asking.  Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit.  Maybe sometimes take each other for granted.

But once in awhile, like today, I meditate on it and I realize how lucky I am to share my life with the greatest woman I ever met.  You still fascinate and inspire me.  You influence me for the better.  You’re the onject of my desire the #1 earthly reason for my existence.  I love you very much.

The crowning characteristic of love is loyalty. 

a whit.

 

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