Today I went to put the silverware away and noticed the knives were in the wrong slot, where he always put them, I moved them. Then I realized they won’t ever be in the wrong spot again because he put them there. It was the same way when I unfolded the last towel that he had folded so neatly atop the washer, or when I found the kids favorite DVD in the DVD player, washing the sheets only to know that they’ll never smell like him again. I know this is all part of it, but its so hard saying goodbye.
I haven’t been able to erase all of his voicemails stored in my inbox yet. I always saved them so I could hear his voice when he was away at work.
I still see his handwriting in my calendar.
It’s funny how emotions circulate during grief, relief, anger, sadness, and hopefully someday peace and love again.