Archive for August, 2013|Monthly archive page

In Uncategorized on August 26, 2013 at 6:05 am

But maybe I’m not doing it right, maybe my efforts aren’t properly directed. I think they are but that’s the scary part–the chance that you’re doing it all wrong. The chance you really aren’t as put together as you think you are. After all, I picked the wrong person. Again.

I’m trying to erase self doubt.

I’m trying to believe.

I’m trying to trust.

I hate reading British lit now, I hate all the “keens” and “mustn’ts.” I can hear the stupid accent in the text. I used to love it, I detest it now. Anything UK related makes me want to turn away in disgust. I finally cleared the fridge of all the “jams” and lemon curd. Threw away the barley drink, and I have yet to dump the Heinz beans. I want nothing to do with it. None of it.

I’m pissed. I hate it all like the coal miners hated Maggie Thatcher.

Day 95: Aches

In Uncategorized on August 12, 2013 at 8:27 am

Today I went to put the silverware away and noticed the knives were in the wrong slot, where he always put them, I moved them. Then I realized they won’t ever be in the wrong spot again because he put them there. It was the same way when I unfolded the last towel that he had folded so neatly atop the washer, or when I found the kids favorite DVD in the DVD player, washing the sheets only to know that they’ll never smell like him again. I know this is all part of it, but its so hard saying goodbye.

I haven’t been able to erase all of his voicemails stored in my inbox yet. I always saved them so I could hear his voice when he was away at work.

I still see his handwriting in my calendar.

It’s funny how emotions circulate during grief, relief, anger, sadness, and hopefully someday peace and love again.

Daily Cupcake: A Good Song

In Acceptance, Beauty, Gay Marriage, People on August 8, 2013 at 4:26 am

This is my new favorite BEAUTIFUL song.

or this version.

I heard it on the radio today, and I got confused. Why do people hate people so much? Why can’t we just let people be themselves. Just let them be.

beautiful. people.

live on…and be yourself. I can’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. Whatever keeps you warm. Love is patient, love is kind.
a whit.

Day 94: It’s true, my boyfriend broke up with me…

In Uncategorized on August 7, 2013 at 4:14 am

I am beginning to think I am going to grow old alone, that I missed the boat, and it sailed away into the sunset with my handsome, kind lover of a man on board–without me.

I need to write about this because I want it to go down in my dating archives. I had finally accepted that I could most certainly live with an imperfect human being that I still thought, strangely enough, was so perfect for me. That’s how it lasted so long, and that’s how I stuck it out through the good and the bad.

And then for the record, he broke up with me, over, and over, and over, and over…

The final breakup, whether he knows it or not (I’ve decided I’m not letting him come back again only to break up once more) was defined by my unwillingness to get breast implants. You see, according to him, now that I have a job I should focus my funds on my chest area. Excuse me, but I don’t think he “gets” that he was dating a self-proclaimed feminist. Power to the ladies with fake ta-tas, but they are-not-for-me. I didn’t go to school for seven years, and get a graduate degree, to go out and get boobs. I like the fact that all men look at my face when talking to me, albeit because there is nothing to see on my chest area, but still. I plan on keeping there eyes upward.

Guys, if you want to break up with a girl over her boob size at least have the common sense to keep it to yourself. It’s not very attractive, and even when it’s introduced with the annoyingly obvious, “I know this is shallow” statement, it makes you sound like you’re the one needing an implant–near your cerebral cortex.

I’ve been single far too long, and after spending a year and a half with this guy, I think I’ve reached an all time low, low, low in the dating world. bye bye boob guy.

hello world, I’m single, flat as a pancake, and ready to date!

a whit.


Day 93: I know the pain of a heartbreak…

In Couples, Dating, God, Happiness, life, Love, Teaching on August 4, 2013 at 11:27 pm

I couldn’t sleep the other night so I decided to do a random YouTube search. With all of the recent hype concerning little Prince George, I decided to look up Princess Diana interview footage; I wanted to see what she was like.

As I watched her talk, she was surprisingly candid and honest. I remember the hype around her death, although I was still young at the time, and the overwhelming commentary concerning her beautiful, giving heart. This became apparent to me as I listened to her speak. She made it clear that her issues were a means to empathy. She could feel what the bulemic girl in the hospital was feeling because she actually felt it too. She could understand the depressed woman because she felt it too.

All great, compassionate people love others in a way that is personal and close. They love that way because they’ve felt the pain of heartbreak once too.

Heartbreak isn’t easy,

It isn’t clear

And you don’t need Jesus till you’re here.

As I experience heartbreak in my life, I come to know two things better.

Life if full of pain.

And we can use that pain to do good, or we can let it eat away at us.

a whit.

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