witifulramblings

Archive for September, 2012|Monthly archive page

Day 71: I want to go back to Utah.

In Children, Family, God, Happiness, Humanity, Kids, life, Love, Mother, Parenting on September 20, 2012 at 6:45 am

That’s a phrase I never thought I’d hear myself say, but it’s true.

Oftentimes, when I tell people I lived in Utah for four years (a native Californian returned home) they tilt their head in disbelief. Then I go on to remind them (and myself) what a beautiful place Utah is. For me though, it holds so many precious memories, the biggest one being the fall–right around this very time of year. I was perusing some Utah friend’s blogs tonight, and I couldn’t help but notice all of the beautiful canyon shots, the vibrant leaves, and the visible wind gusts. This is exactly how I remember it that September 2005 when my precious boy was almost due.

I’ve spoken before about the wonderful feeling I get when Autumn arrives–it reminds me of the gift that is my little e and what a blessing God delivered to me almost seven years ago.

I can’t believe how fast the time passes, I can’t believe e is going to be seven in just a of couple days. He is my miracle, my entire life bundled up in one very witty, articulate little toe head. Today we were sitting outside Chipotle eating and he asked me, “what happens to those people that steal wishes out of fountains?” I didn’t know how to respond, so I just told him about plaza regulations and the money belonging to conglomerates that own the plaza facilities. He liked that answer. Then he responded with, “well, I did that once. I’m not going to do it again because that was someone’s wish, what if they needed it granted.” I love that he is so inquisitive and thoughtful. I’m so proud of him even when he cries for not wanting to do his spelling sentences or mad math minute.

This post was supposed to be about wanting to go back to Park City, my favorite winter space in the whole world (which I still long for), but it’s turned into something else I suppose. I wish I could go back, turn back time, live the past seven years over again, because he’s growing too fast.

I love you little e.

Three hugs. Three kisses. Happy birthday angel boy.

A whit-ing mom.

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Day 70: Internalize the Rubric

In Education, English Major, Laughter, life, Teaching, Writing on September 15, 2012 at 6:36 am

I was standing in the meat department of the grocery store the other day staring blankly at the chicken cuts when the guy behind the counter looked at me and asked,

“what do you want?”

I looked directly at him, and I said.

“I’m sorry sir but I don’t know what I want. I don’t even know what day it is, and if you were to ask me my name at this very moment, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’d be able to tell you what it is.”

I think he thought I was joking at first, but then after I stood there for about 5 minutes with a continued fixed-chicken thigh-gaze, he finally got it.

Skipping forward a few days, today I found myself at a gathering wherein I was told to internalize writing rubrics. After five years of undergraduate work, an almost complete masters degree, and countless graded papers (both my own and those of my students), I couldn’t help but return to my meat department moment (and gently kick my colleague under the table). I was under the impression a paper was either an A, B, C, D, E, or Failing. Maybe my internal grading rubric is slightly off kilter–or maybe I’m just starting to lose my sanity after several years in grad school (I did just notice my accidental E in there). I’m just lucky I am getting an identifiable name, albeit correct, on my own papers. I’m sorry professors. It was kind of like a moment in class last week wherein my student looked at me, and then he asked who was going to be the professor the following week…?

Um, me.

OK, so whose going to be the professor all semester?

Um, me.

Sorry kiddo, I’m not going anywhere whether you like my rubric or not. The good thing is though, I can’t remember my name half the time so guess what? You don’t have to either. I promise, I won’t take points off for that.

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Day 69: Daring Greatly

In Esteem, Family, Happiness, Love, Women on September 14, 2012 at 3:46 am

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

I don’t watch much TV, in fact I hadn’t watched TV really in the past five years.  However, I decided to get cable recently.  I still find myself rarely watching because it’s so out of habit, and I have ADD (I like to clean my floors way too often).

Anyway, awhile back I wrote this post on the topic of wholeheartedness.  I had randomly found myself listening to Brene Brown’s TED Talk, coincidentally when I popped on the TV today, which I rarely do, the Katie Couric show was featuring Brene in person.

She of course talked a lot about the topic of vulnerability and its necessity in our lives.  I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately, I’ve felt fearful as I enter into a new life and anticipate being a recent grad school graduate.  So, I guess someone knew I needed to hear these important words about vulnerability once again.

You see, there is nothing more dangerous and scary than standing on the out skirt of our own life.  What should matter to you is not whether you succeed or fail, but that you were brave, and the people that matter in this whole experience are those who love you not in spite of your vulnerabilities but because of them.

Brene talked a lot about a concept she refers to as foreboding joy.

Interestingly, I know this concept  all too well. She explains it like this:

That moment when you enter your child’s room, while their sleeping, and you look over their precious little body and think how much you love them.  Then in that moment of joy you shudder–what if they were taken from me by death?

It’s that moment when you realize I have a great job, a wonderful family–I have joy.  Then always comes the shudder as you realize that joy could be marred by tragedy.  Those who experience true wholeheartedness in this life take that moment and transform it.  Instead of allowing the joy to be stifled by fear they allow it instead to be a moment wherein they mindfully practice gratitude.  They embrace the reality of something possibly going wrong through quite simply, thankfulness.  In this, their joy can always live.

What’s worth doing even if you fail?

I thought about this.

…and I realized for me it’s all the scariest things.

going to school.

being a single mom.

loving someone.

because those are the things that are worth every risk.  they are not worth looking at from the out skirt of my life.

Today, I realized for the first time ever that it’s OK to be scared and if I fail at something then that’s OK too.  What matters is that I was brave.

Day 68: Go Mitt!

In Uncategorized on September 2, 2012 at 10:48 pm

I am a big Romney fan–a big turnaround from what I thought I’d vote at the start of the Presidential race.

Mitt is Mormon.  I was raised Mormon.

A few weeks back, during the time of the Olympics, I watched an interview with Mitt and his wife.  I decided to take some time to actually watch the video.  I was super impressed with the words that were spoken by both the presidential candidate and his wife.  I was impressed to see a man whose family values situate at the forefront.  I was impressed to see many of the values and principals instilled in me, through my Mormon background, shine through.  And I saw them, shine through in a completely honest and genuine manner.

I hold this to be very true–“You can never predict what type of tough decisions are going to come in front of a president’s desk. if you really want to know how a person will operate look at how how they’ve lived their life.”

Watch THIS.

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