witifulramblings

Archive for November, 2010|Monthly archive page

Progress, Fears, and Self Sacrifice: Day Twenty-Two

In Uncategorized on November 24, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Sometimes it’s the things we fear that we want the most.  Since my divorce there have been many things I’ve feared: loving again, court, moving on, making a new life, doing it on my own.

I think I tend to fear those things that are new to me those things that require change, but we have to progress in order to grow.  Otherwise, we remain stagnant.

Listening to NPR this morning I was touched by this special.  It notes a special sort of change within one woman’s life.  I think her’s is particularly poignant and resonates because it focuses on one requiring self-sacrifice, specifically.

Happy Thanksgiving EVERYONE!

North Korea: Daily Cupcake

In Articles, History, Humanity, Politics on November 24, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Recently I saw a couple of very interesting documentaries concerning the North Korean crisis.  At Starbucks this morning I noticed the Wall Street Journal Headline with regards to the recent attack.  Here is an interesting NPR article.  Also, below are the two documentaries, which are available on netflix.  The second one gives a chronological historical outline, which is very helpful in understanding the North Korean crisis and its inception.

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/explorer/3089/Overview

http://www.kimjongiliathemovie.com/

Daily Cupcake: Writer’s Block

In Writing on November 22, 2010 at 9:06 pm

I like this.

Happiness and Thanks: Day Twenty-One

In Articles, Blogging, Happiness, Humanity, Thoughts on November 22, 2010 at 8:57 pm

As of late, this blog’s narrative has kind of taken a deviation of sorts.  I guess I’ve had some random thoughts/references (all of course relating to the idea of happiness and my search for it).  I think one can “be happy,” while at the same time searching for it too.  This is simply because: happiness is an ever-evolving process, and it is not finite.  Throughout our lives, and subsequent experiences, happiness means different things, but the search for it is always there; however, sometimes dormant (probably a state closest to depression).

Thinking about happiness and it’s effect on social interactions has been on my mind as of late.  What happens when what you’ve been seeking is achieved?  How does this affect the individual, are you all the sudden a happy person?  Is this noticed among those you interact with?  Do you change as an individual?

I think you do and I think people notice, obviously.   For example,

Four years ago I was in a state of what I would consider “dormant happiness.” I was probably encroaching on that territory I spoke of earlier .  But I still wanted “things” for myself, for my child, for my life.  I knew that much.  I remember thinking that while I was staring at the blinds.

Now, here I am four years later.  Some of those things I wanted then have been achieved, some have not, and new things have been added.  I would consider myself acutely active in my endeavors now, especially those concerning my own happiness.  I’ve evolved.

But what really interests me, today, is that those things I hoped for, desired, really wanted they’ve been achieved in ways I never could have imagined at the time.  They aren’t EXACT duplicates of what I wanted, some are, but most aren’t.  They are renditions.  My point is, we think we know what we want, but it doesn’t always turn out that way, exactly.  Sometimes, that’s okay because what we get might be even better, or more importantly even better for us.

We should all remember, during this time of Thanksgiving, that the exactness of our wants and their achievement may vary, but we can still be happy and fulfilled in what is given.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Ms. Whit.

Daily Cupcake: Don’t Worry Be Happy!

In Happiness on November 19, 2010 at 7:34 am

 

A Mom’s Lesson: Day Twenty

In Friends, Happiness, Humanity, Love, Parenting on November 19, 2010 at 7:12 am

When it hurts to be a parent, that’s the worst.  I guess it’s one of those things you never really can prepare yourself for because it’s nothing you’d want to imagine happening to your child in an idealistic world.

Little e came home from school the other night adorned with an elbow bandage and a very lengthy story to tell.  Rather than summarize I’ll just do a narrative style besides I think it will capture the situation:

“mommy, why did the kids laugh at me when I tripped today?”

“Really, how did you trip?”

“Well this really really big nine year-old boy stuck his leg out in front of me, and then I fell really hard.  I looked around and everyone was laughing at me.”

(short intermission) attempting to decipher whether it was an intentional “trip” or a mere accident I deviate:

“Now how did the actual trip occur?  Was it on purpose?  Was it intentional?”

“Mommy, what does intentional mean?”

“Did he stick his leg out in front of you on purpose in order to make you trip?”

“Yes, yes, that’s what he did and everyone was laughing even my friends.”

The conversation actually continued our entire car ride home.  Five miles from our destination, after a long day at work, silent tears began to stream.  This is one of those moments where you realize the statement: “you’ll never truly know what it’s like to be a parent until you are one,” really solidifies itself.  Then I remembered being tripped myself as a child.  It hurt then but even more so this time (and to think I wasn’t even there).

I shielded my tears from little e, regaining composure, and just in time because he had another question for me…

“Mama, why are people mean?”

I’d much prefer the obligatory, “where do babies come from?” over this one.  I struggled, thinking how do you explain the cruelty of this world to a five year-old?  Why would I want to? Then the remembrance of another event, only a few weeks prior, surfaced, and my answer came:

Another incident had occurred where a child told e his clothes “sucked.”  Then the next day this same child indicated how much he loved e’s watch, and wished he could steal it from him.  e related both of these events to me.

“Mommy, I just don’t know how to handle a situation like this.  No on has ever told me things like that before.”

Returning a few hours later e exclaimed he really wanted to go get this little boy a watch just like his and that would diffuse the entire situation and make the little boy happy.  Easily done (since the watch was from a Taco Bell kids meal–don’t judge) we picked one up and e presented it to him the next day at school.

Through that situation, and now this tripping incident, little e is learning how to navigate his way through relationships.  He is learning empathy and kindness toward others, and for that I need not shed any tears whatsoever.

After some talking and answering of his question,

The conversation in the car ended with one final statement (from e of course), “Next time I will tell him that is not appropriate!”

I’d like to end this post with a little bit more information, which I think might help give meaning as to why I even wrote about all this in the first place.

I met with that little boy’s mom, the one e insisted on giving the watch to, and learned his Dad is dying of cancer.  So, I’ll end, “you just never know what may be the cause to a certain effect (good or bad).”  The effect may seem hurtful, but what’s causing it may be even worse.  I’m so proud of my little boy for having the intuition to know the right way to handle a tough situation.  Turns out he knew what was going on all along (I believe somehow) because yesterday he told me the little boy sings about his Daddy dying while they’re at recess.

So, if I could backtrack and answer little e’s question, concerning the world’s occasional cruelty, differently, then I’d say, “turns out you knew the answer all along e–to teach us to be kind, understanding, and to love others.”

Ms. whit.

Play the Game or NOT: Day Nineteen

In Articles, Blogging, Dating, Humor, Romance, Sex, Thoughts, wit, Women, Writing on November 17, 2010 at 8:27 pm

Oh, the frustration.  Sometimes I feel like I’m navigating my way through a corn maze, turning this way and that, never reaching an endpoint, an escape.

I can remember being twelve and waiting for the day when I could go out with friends, drive my own car, and go on a real date.  Ha.  Been there done that, and at twenty-six I’m beginning to wonder what fourteen years of dating (with a few intermissions) does to the soul and the brain.

So, I got to thinking, what has changed?  Well, certainly the dating process.    When I was sixteen boys, I emphasize boys, picked me up from my house, in their cars, and met my parents.  Okay–there’s a process, a gentlemanly one, I could do without the adolescent parental meeting but the offer of a pickup would be nice.  I’d probably deny, given my current safety measures, but again it would be gentlemanly.

Then we’d go on the date, probably drive to restaurant or a movie, after which we’d return home.  He’d drop me off.

Huh.  Well, at twenty-six, I’m getting offers for coffee (which I don’t even drink for pleasure) and/ or a cocktail, really?  I’m going to be pretty hungry– but highly caffeinated or a bit intoxicated, that’ll do.

No movies.

No food.

No pickup.

No drop-off.

Um, why am I dating again?  I’ve decided it’s  a political game–the politics of the heart, gender, and mind.

Or maybe it’s all just one big sex conspiracy.  I’ll have to meditate on that one.

a dating whit.

The Problem With Politics: It’s All in the Language: Daily Cupcake

In Blogging, Blogs, Education, Feminism, History, life, literature, Men, Men, Politics, Thoughts, Women on November 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm

Politics.

For me, the problem has always been in the language, which is interesting given my area of academic focus deals exclusively with language and its usages.  However,  literary theoretical discourse does differ quite drastically from that of political discourse in my defense (although the two do overlap in some instances).  So, I will continue to struggle as will you, most likely.  Unless of course you’re working on your PhD in political science.  Geesh, I wish.

Here’s an interesting article on language and politics and if you’re like me (in need of political assistance) you might want to visit this webpage, which has a wealth of information as well.  Of course, you’ll still have to discern for yourself (biases still exist)–if you can.

Daily Cupcake: What? Not Jewish Enough?

In Articles, Blogging, Blogs, Education, Faith, Family, God, History, Humanity, life, literature, Love, Men, Men, Mother, Musings, Parenting, Politics, Stories, Thoughts, Travel, Women, Work, Writing on November 16, 2010 at 7:07 am

It’s quite odd, during the Holocaust many struggled with the idea of being, well, “too Jewish,” or rather Jewish at all.  Lives were literally lost over Jewishness, whether you looked it, acted it, etc.

Well, now there seems to be a new crisis.  Now, we’re dealing with the issue of being “not Jewish enough,” put quite simply.

Check this out.

This post is dedicated to all of those who experienced, survived, or were lost in the horrific Holocaust.  If this is a historical event that interests you I highly recommend the two part comic narrative Maus.

God Bless.


 

Should I get Divorced?: Day Eighteen

In Articles, Blogging, Blogs, Dating, Education, Esteem, Family, Fiction, Friends, Happiness, Humanity, Laughter, life, literature, Love, Men, Men, Mother, Musings, Parenting, Politics, Romance, Sex, Stories, Thoughts, wit, Women, Work, Writing on November 16, 2010 at 6:51 am

It seems to me that after you experience divorce, that is, become a divorcee, you also become a magnet for those seeking “friendly” relationship advice.  Since my divorce, I have never had so many married friends approach me expressing their own personal marital woes.  Can we say smoke and mirrors?

So, what do you say to these helpless worshippers?  Their eyes pining upwards toward yours, in dismay, you (well I) certainly cannot leave them hanging.

So, I tell them what my mother told me almost four years ago–

“It’s time to evaluate.  There are thirty days in a month and if over half of those thirty days are spent in argument/fighting/retribution, then you seriously need to consider your life.”

So, I did the addition and I recommend it to my pleading friends as well.  If you’re in the negative then…

I guess this doesn’t necessarily mean divorce, it didn’t for me, marriage counseling can always be the next step but most I find have already given that a fair shot.  So, then I move to my next bit of advice.

It isn’t easy (divorce that is).  So, consider wisely.  This isn’t a life and death situation, in any sense of physicality, but it may be with regard to the soul, your soul.  If he doesn’t pick up his dirty underwear, empty the dishwasher, or clean off the toilet seat–you may want to hire a maid and get a good job with long work hours, instead.  No, but seriously, divorce isn’t easy and making that jump will most certainly change you in every way possible, good and bad.  It will also present a little addition to your life.  Something I like to call the “what if factor.”

What if he had been different?

What if I had been different?

What if the timing had been different?

What if that whore from the Nordstrom shoe department had never been working that Wednesday afternoon when my husband, on a whim, decided to go peruse for a new pair of penny loafers?

You’ll always wonder, what might have been?  What dreams might have come AND could things have worked?  This is what you sacrifice when you choose divorce.  You sacrifice ever knowing.  However, consider this, whose to say things wouldn’t have been different anyway because with every circumstance, every change, there comes a differing outcome.  So, maybe the Nordstrom girl wasn’t there that Wednesday, instead, five years later your hubby gets run over by a truck crossing the street–either way, you’re alone with accompanying heartache.  It’s all a matter of relativity and the passage of time, leading you this way and that, all dependent on varying occurences.  I think Robert Frost put it nicely, “And both [roads] that morning equally lay / In leaves no step had trodden black / Yet knowing how way leads on to way / I doubted if I should ever come back.”

So, finally when I have exhausted all the aforementioned then I end with this, “secure your finances before ever mentioning the word divorce.”  Trust me, it’s not being deceitful…it’s being smart.  If you have to, stick it out, until you have what you need to leave.  I’ve encountered many friends, with young children, no assets, no education, their husband(s) owning everything; having reduced them to the life of: housewife.  Just make sure you leave when the time is ripe, oops, I mean right. 😉  It never hurts to get a little legal advice prior.

A good friend from back when I was married emailed me the other day concerning a matter similar to this post’s topic.  I thought it funny, she, after all these years, my divorce from her husband’s friend, had returned to me for some semblance of hope.  My final words to her, “I’ll be praying for you and your little family.”

That’s how my advice column will always end, always.

A divorced whit.

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